and next time when you feel me up, do it right
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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