I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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