I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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