I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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