Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
