So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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