I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
