I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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