I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
