I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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