I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
