Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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