I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
