I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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