Already got asked if we're dating
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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