Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
