I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
