yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
