They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
