i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
