She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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