i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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