I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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