let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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