you guys were way drunker than both of me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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