I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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