Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
