as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
