Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
