i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
