Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So much rum. So many feels.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
