Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
