i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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