giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
