you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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