So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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