Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
