Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Randomize
