i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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