No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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