hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
