I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
