hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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