My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
