I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
