Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
