you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
