he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
