I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
