i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
