why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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