Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I would ride that face into the sunset
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Someone signed my nipple.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
