My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
