His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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