I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
