Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
