I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need to calm my uterus...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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