I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I checked into jail on foursquare
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
