We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
