i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
